How To Levitate After Every Fall

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There’s one kind of religious thought, which now feels antiquated, that teaches that a person should never fall into sin and that only in the purest state can they reach unification with the Divine and all the blessings that come with it. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov was controversial in his time and had many that railed against him because he shined a light on the profound spiritual elevation one can reach because of our fallen moments.

We see throughout the Torah, and especially through the Temple sacrifices, that in a moment of sin, we have an opportunity to draw close to Hashem. This is why when the Temple was destroyed, the Rabbis instituted the daily tefillah (prayer), so that Jews would still have a way to elevate themselves, including in those fallen moments. In the Talmud and Zohar, prayer is called “requesting mercy.” The Mitteler Rebbe, Dovber Schneuri, teaches that requesting mercy is a general and inclusive matter, broader than a set prayer time. In any moment that we face misfortune, we may request mercy of Hashem.

The Talmud states that all the laws of the seminal prayer of the Amidah, also called the Shemoneh Esreh (שמנה עשרה‎, the silent 18 prayers we say daily) are derived from Chanah who was, “embittered in her soul, and prayed to Hashem, and wept and cried.”¹ When she reached a profound level of humility and lowliness– an embittered spirit– she prayed to Hashem and requested mercy. This is the mindful and all-encompassing state of humility that one must develop to unify with the Divine, as it is written, “I poured out my soul before Hashem.”² This is why prayer is called “the outpouring of the soul.”³

Rebbe Nachman teaches that we may feel far from God at times because of our past transgressions, but it is then that we must remember that there cannot be a perfect prayer without us, even when in the moment of despair. As we learn from the Talmud, that every prayer that does not include the sinners of Israel is not a complete prayer.⁴

We see this in the recipe of the Temple incense (the ketoret). Amongst the 11 spices used there was one very foul smelling ingredient, known as the Galbanum (Chelbenah) spice. Chazal (our Sages)  explain that the Galbanum had a very foul odor on its own, but when it was included amongst the  other 10 ingredients, the fragrance transformed into something very pleasant in the context of the other ten spices. One of the transcendent secrets of the Temple incense.

Tefillah (prayer) is our modern day offering to our Creator, and just as the incense-offering was not complete without the galbanum, if we are burdened with our transgressions, we have to know that the prayer service cannot be complete without us, as we are. 

It is in this moment that we must flip our transgressions into merits, praying for God’s unlimited mercy with heartfelt love and fear of Hashem. Saying to oneself, as Rebbe Nachman teaches, just as the foul smelling galbanum is an essential ingredient of the sweet smelling incense-offering, my tainted prayer is a vital ingredient in the prayers of all of Israel. Without my presence and prayer in the minyan, the prayer is deficient, just like the incense without the galbanum. In those times we have to meditate on the thought, “I am the perfection of the prayer – the galbanum in the incense.”⁵

Hashem created the twin pathways of תשובה/שבת (t’shuvah/repentance and Shabbat) before even creating the world. And the first commandments we were given after Hashem took us out of Egypt– which he was essentially waiting to give us– were indeed שבת/תשובה.⁶ T’shuvah is reached through korbanot (sacrifice) and tefillah, through the power of speech channeled into elevating the fallen sparks of Creation. Similarly, Shabbat has the power to elevate the mundane physical into a supernal spiritual state. In fact, all of the blessings we say during the week are derived from those we say on Shabbat.

Shabbat is the only specifically Jewish ritual mentioned in the Ten Commandments and the one commandment mentioned in the Torah more than any other. And again this week, we are commanded to keep Shabbat. There is no more elevated bridge between this world and the next; it is a moment in our finite time and space when our soul feels tapped into the infinite. The splendor of Shabbat is truly ineffable.

We read, “Hashem said to Moshe, saying: And you, speak to the children of Israel saying: ‘Just observe My Sabbaths, for it is a sign between Me and you for your generations, to know that I am Hashem, Who sanctifies you.”⁷ Rashi adds, “And although I charged you to command them concerning the work of the Mishkan… do not view things so lightly as to push aside Shabbat because of that work.“ Shabbat is referred to here as Shabbat Shabbaton, the repetitive term indicating the importance and the deep ‘rest’ we are meant to take on Shabbat. The Hebrew word nofesh, ‘resting’, is related to nefesh, ‘spirit’; so, the rest of Shabbat is not about sleeping or lying around but tending to your spirit, bringing stillness and peace to it.

The unification of soul and body, of finite and infinite, is achieved in returning the fallen sparks and elevating them to their source, to the Light of the Infinite. The Kabbalah teachings around this Parashah dive deep into anger, repentance, and redemption through the permutations of Hashem’s name.

Permutations of Light

‘Hashem’ literally means ‘The Name’ and is a euphemism for the Tetragrammaton (Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay), which is never spoken as it appears in the Torah. The permutations of God’s name give us clues into understanding aspects of G-d that are generally concealed. Before jumping into the first verse from our Parashah about Pinchas, understanding a couple verses from Sh’mot is key:

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֱלֹהִים֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֶֽהְיֶ֖ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר אֶֽהְיֶ֑ה וַיֹּ֗אמֶר כֹּ֤ה תֹאמַר֙ לִבְנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל אֶֽהְיֶ֖ה שְׁלָחַ֥נִי אֲלֵיכֶֽם

“Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh/I Will Be Who I Will Be.” replied God to Moses. [God then] explained, “This is what you must say to the Israelites, ‘Ehyeh/I Will Be sent me to you.⁸

וְלָקַחְתִּ֨י אֶתְכֶ֥ם לִי֙ לְעָ֔ם וְהָיִ֥יתִי לָכֶ֖ם לֵֽאלֹהִ֑ים וִֽידַעְתֶּ֗ם כִּ֣י אֲנִ֤י הֹ’ אֱלֹ֣הֵיכֶ֔ם הַמּוֹצִ֣יא אֶתְכֶ֔ם מִתַּ֖חַת סִבְל֥וֹת
מִצְרָֽיִם

I will take you to Myself as a nation, and I will be to you as a God. You will know that I am God your Lord, the One who is bringing you out of under the Egyptian subjugation.⁹

Here we see the various permutations of Hashem’s name and the power that each contains within it. The one name that we do not speak out loud, also known as the HaVaYaH, is kulo chesed, fully kindness. The second name Elokim is gevurah, strength/judgment. And the name Ehyeh (אֶֽהְיֶ֑ה) is the mediator between those two. This is why Hashem commands Moshe to tell the children of Israel that Ehyeh has sent him– the God that balances strength and kindness, judgment and mercy.

Sforno explains that אהיה אשר אהיה was how Israel understood Moshe as saying that Hashem has a completely independent existence from ours, not subject to the cause-and-effect reality that we live in. The understanding is that Hashem loves existence and all beings that exist and anything or anyone that counters existence is going against Hashem. This is why Hashem says through the prophet Ezekiel, “I do not desire the death of him that dies.”¹⁰

It is clear here that Hashem loves righteousness and justice, the objective of both being the continued existence of all who deserve it. On the other end of this, God also hates injustice and cruelty, the vices that destroy the existence of the victims of these vices. And so Hashem must hate the violence and cruelty perpetrated on Israel by the Egyptians. The Children of Israel’s freedom from Egypt and redemption into the Promised Land is our story that we are commanded to say every year at the Pesach Seder, but it is also the story each person struggles with throughout life, our struggle to free ourselves from elements of our own slavery and constriction and to bring ourselves to a state of redemption, our own promised land of freedom. Further in Sh’mot, Hashem uses both his names– HaVaYaH (Tetragrammaton), the one associated with chesed, and Elokim, the one associated with gevurah. Directly after using those names, Hashem says, “And you shall know that I, the Lord, am your God who freed you from the labors of the Egyptians”.¹¹

Rebbe Nachman explains that these two pesukim (verses) are the secret of personal redemption, as the combination of chesed and gevurah is how one attains Da’at (Ultimate Knowledge/Wisdom). Loving kindness or judgment by itself is incomplete. Balance– knowing when to use each trait– is key. Tempering one over the other and the ability to know when to use each characteristic is Da’at.

In the Talmud it says, “A person should always draw people closer by means of his right hand, and push them aside with his left hand.”¹² In the Ten Sefirot, God’s right (hand) represents chesed and his left (hand) is gevurah. In our relationships with each other, our emphasis should be on drawing people and friendships closer with chesed, but also pushing away, in a sense, with gevurah, so that each person remains an autonomous individual. A constant balance must be at play: with someone who is independent, show them that love creates bonds, but with someone who is dependent, show love with restraint, maintaining healthy boundaries in the relationship. This balance creates the middle path of tiferet (harmony, beauty, compassion), which is associated with the heart. The word tiferet is derived from the Hebrew word pe’er, meaning ‘beauty’. The more we can unify and harmonize judgment and mercy, the more beauty we can reveal in this world.

There are two ways in which to use your right and left hand. One would be placing them both on something– say pushing something uphill– in which both act as one and in a way that neither could do alone. The other way would be when the dominant hand hammers in a nail or chisels a stone while the less dominant hand holds the nail or stone in place. This is a way in which chesed and gevurah could act simultaneously towards the same goal, exerting force in opposite but complementary directions.

Hashem’s main purpose in the creation of the world is chesed, but without gevurah, we would be robots or slaves. The relationship we have is not that of master and slave; it is of a parent and a child. We are meant, by our own free will, to serve Hashem, much like a child who wants to give to or help his parents. Imagine a parent carrying a bunch of things in their hands, and a small child asks to hold one small thing that won’t really have an effect. In fact, it might make it harder for the parent to stop and rearrange what they are holding. The child knows that it isn’t a big help, but it is a show of love. That is the sort of relationship we are to have with Hashem.

There are two acts that we actually complete for Hashem. One is giving to the poor. We have previously read about Hashem’s love of the poor: in fact, the poor’s Temple sacrifices, though much more insignificant in size or amount, are loved by Hashem more. So, you might ask why the poor are not taken care of in this world if Hashem loves them in this way. The reason is that it is our job to partner with Hashem and fulfill the mitzvah of making sure they are taken care of. It’s similar with the brit milah, circumcision (Abraham’s original covenant with Hashem): one can ask, if it is a sign of our covenant with Hashem, then why would we not be born with it? The answer is because it is our job to take a physical action and create the covenant, a partnership literally seen on the body, that we have taken part in and taken personal action towards.¹³

Guarding this covenant that we have with our Creator, constantly striving to overcome our physicality, is a perpetual struggle. But the ups come from the downs, and learning that dance while staying hopeful and connected, even in despair, is the key to eventual redemption. Prior to repentance, a person is said to be in a state of Ehyeh (as in אֶֽהְיֶ֖ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר אֶֽהְיֶ֑ה from the verse above). Ehyeh is the permutation of Hashem’s name that is correlated to Gevurah when written as such (alef-hei-yud-hei). Ehyeh means to wait– it’s a pause in a moment, a preparation of being, but not yet an attained state of being. When someone wants to convert to Judaism, we are taught to push them away, as if to say, “Not yet. Take a pause. Be sure it’s what you want, that it’s what you would die for, and then try again.” It’s the same with drawing close to Hashem– you will find stumbling blocks, you’ll find yourself being pushed down the ladder time and again. But as you fight to climb up, you get closer in a real and deep sense.

The Essence of Repentance

Rebbe Nachman teaches that embarrassment is the essence of repentance, and Reb Nosson goes on further, pointing out that under Egyptian bondage the Jews were not yet a nation. To acquire being, they had to first experience the embarrassment of bondage and bear it in silence — the stage of Ehyeh. And only then could they acquire Havayah as a nation– the stage of YHVH. The Tetragrammaton, YHVH, is the name of God which denotes the level at which the past (HaYah הָיָה), the present (HoVeh הֱיֵה), and the future (YiHiYeh יִהְיֶה) are one.¹⁴ This name also denotes the creative power that constantly sustains the universe.¹⁵

Now we can jump into the first verse of this Parshah:

וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר ה’ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֥ה לֵּאמֹֽר פִּֽינְחָ֨ס בֶּן־אֶלְעָזָ֜ר בֶּן־אַהֲרֹ֣ן הַכֹּהֵ֗ן הֵשִׁ֤יב אֶת־חֲמָתִי֙ מֵעַ֣ל בְּנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל בְּקַנְא֥וֹ אֶת־קִנְאָתִ֖י
בְּתוֹכָ֑ם וְלֹא־כִלִּ֥יתִי אֶת־בְּנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל בְּקִנְאָתִֽי

G-d spoke to Moshe, saying: “Pinchas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, has turned back My anger against the children of Israel by avenging My vengeance against them. I therefore did not destroy the children of Israel in My vengeance.¹⁶

It is said that the justice of man is harsher than that of Heaven. Therefore, when Pinchas pursued Zimri, the Divine judgments ceased not only against Zimri, who instigated evil, but against all the Jews who had sinned.¹⁷. Rashi explains that since the Torah never repeats itself unnecessarily, when it says that Pinchas is the son of Eleazar, the son of Aharon, it must be to emphasize something, since it has already established this lineage. Rashi says that Pinchas is clearly tied to two priests, especially Aharon, to ensure that his behavior is seen from a place of righteousness, that his intention was to create peace. Had the verse not connected him to Aharon, one could connect him to his father-in-law, Yitro (Jethro), and argue that the act was not inspired by righteousness for the sake of Heaven, but by his own selfish wrath, rooted in idolatry, which is part of his ancestry. Rashi articulates it as such, because the tribes of Israel ridiculed Pinchas, saying, “Have you seen the descendant of Puti [i.e., Yisro], whose mother’s father fattened calves for idol worship, and yet he killed a leader of one of the tribes of Israel?” So that this would not be given an air of truth, the verse repeatedly and explicitly traces his lineage to Aharon.

The Kli Yakar points out that in the verse it says, “He zealously took up My cause among them,”¹⁸ emphasizing ‘among them’, so that it is known that he did his deed among Zimri’s tribesmen and relatives, and that his act was one that put him at great danger. Pinchas proved in this courageous moment that he was acting for the sake of Torah and the Jewish people, and had no other interest in mind. Only for this truth was Pinchas celebrated. But the Kotzker Rebbe points out that despite that, he was still invalidated from being a leader of the Jewish people, which Moshe had initially wanted. When Moshe saw Pinchas’ zealotry, he knew that while Pinchas was holier than others, he lacked the traits required to be a leader, someone who must conduct themselves with moderation and flexibility. So, his act led to Yehoshua becoming Moshe’s successor.

The Arizal points out that the term “vengeance” is mentioned three times in the verse about Pinchas and that the numerical value of the root of this word that’s spelled kuf-nun-aleph is 151 and is derived in three ways: first, the numerical value of the Divine Name Eheyeh when spelled out using the letter hei (ה) is 151; second, the numerical value of the name Eheyeh individually squared is also 151; and third, the combined numerical values of the names Elokim and Adni are 151. Ehyeh (אֶֽהְיֶ֖ה -alef-hei-yud-hei) when spelled out as such is symbolic of the fulfillment of latent potential. When you square the name to get 151 it looks like this, אֶֽהְיֶ֖ה -alef(1)-hei(5)-yud(10)-hei(5) which is 12+ + 52 + 102 + 52 = 1 + 25 + 100 + 25 = 151.

R’ Moshe Wisnefsky expounds on the second permutation of Hashem’s name and its numerical correlation to vengeance in the pasuk, explaining that the squaring technique is called ribua perati (“individual squaring”), i.e. summing the squares of each letter that make up the word. Squaring signifies maturation and development, because squaring a number makes that number inter-included with all its constituent units. And inter-inclusion is the characteristic of maturity, to see all sides of an issue and grant validity to other people. In Kabbalah, the maturation of the sefirot from individual points into partzufim (personae/faces/forms) is the process which marks the transition from the chaotic, unstable world of Tohu to the rectified world of Tikkun, which is done by tracing it all back to its original source.¹⁹

The last of the three are the combination of the names Elokim and Adni. To break down the gematria (numerical value), we have Elokim which is alef(1)-lamed(30)-hei(5)-yud(10)-mem(40) and Adni, alef(1)-dalet(4)-nun(50)-yud(10) which is 65 + 86 which also equals 151. Elokim signifies Hashem’s attribute of judgment and severity, while the name Adni signifies His attribute of authority and dominion (‘adon’ means master or ruler/’adonai’ means my master). The two Names signify two types of courts: Elokim is that of strict judgment and is associated with the sefirah of Gevurah, and Adni correlates with lenient judgment associated with the sefirah of Malchut. When these two Divine attributes are combined, it could produce anger, and so the rectification of anger involves tracing these two attributes in the soul, ridding them of the shell of anger in order to reveal the goodness of the soul. In other words, being judgmental (i.e. acting like a court) is the source of anger, and the lesson of Azamra that is at the core of Breslov teaching is to rectify judgment by finding the “good point” in yourself and others and to judge it favorably, bringing merit to yourself and others.

How To Never Get Angry

As we covered in the past Dvar titled “How To Never Get Angry,” even though there is no explicit prohibition against anger in the Torah, it is considered one of the worst sins, which the Sages compared to idolatry. If one’s emunah (faith) and bitachon (trust) are strong, a person will realize that all is for the good, so there is no reason to get angry. Anger signifies that a person believes they know better than Hashem, which is likened to idolatry.

Judgment isn’t intrinsically negative, as it is needed in order to discern between good and “bad” decisions. Only when judgment takes over a person does it become a negative force, eventually resulting in anger and violence. That’s why we meditate on the Names and use our speech to moderate and mitigate judgment with mercy.

Some people associate God with the High Holidays or synagogue, but the deepest connections and feelings of closeness to the Infinite Light are in the moments of despair, riding the waves of life, the ups and downs, navigating one’s own fortress of solitude and the judgments that one has of others and of themselves. As it is written, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”²⁰ All faith stems from the trust that not only are we not alone, but that all is for the good (even though it may not be revealed as good in those moments). God will continue to lift us when we fall and forgive us when we fail.

It’s hard for us to understand the chiyut (life) that we are able to bestow on each other simply by showing each other authentic positivity. Rebbe Nachman teaches that, “a person must judge everyone favorably. Even if someone is completely bad, it is necessary to search and find in him some modicum of good; the little bit of him that is not wicked. And by finding in him a drop of good and judging him favorably, one brings him to return to the true path of his Jewish soul.”²¹ The through line of the previous Parshiot is that our service of God, especially the sacrifices, should be done with a generous heart.

Service of the heart is also a through line of Tehillim (Psalms): “The L‑rd is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”²² “The sacrifices of G‑d are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, You, G‑d, will not despise.”²³ G‑d “heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.”²⁴ Rabbeinu continues and explains that, “a person needs to cry to his Father in heaven with a powerful voice from the depths of his heart. Then G‑d will listen to his voice and turn to his cry. And it may be that from this act itself, all doubts and obstacles that are keeping him back from true service of Hashem will fall from him and be completely nullified.”²⁵

One of the central lessons of Likutei Moharan is the Azamra, confronting these dinim, the judgments you fall into, and working to sweeten them with Hashem’s Name, elevating the fallen sparks. This is not something that you learn once or do once and master; it is done over time, as lasting and true change happens layer by layer. As Rabbeinu says, “A little bit is also good. The way to grow is to not worry about perfection — simply start moving a little bit beyond where you were a moment ago.” We are meant to emulate our Creator, who mitigates His judgment and applies mercy as often as He can. It is the only way to continue to get back up when we fall– to show ourselves and each other mercy. And it is this choice of mercy– using the right hand of chesed— that elevates us to the Infinite Light. Confucius must have been in Uman around the time of Rebbe Nachman, as he said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”

– Erez Safar

Please note: You can read the full and final version of this Dvar in my fourth book, ‘LIGHT OF THE INFINITE: TRANSFORMATION IN THE DESERT OF DARKNESS‘.

info: The book parallels the parshiot (weekly Torah reading) of Bamidbar/Numbers, which we are reading now! I act as your spiritual DJ, curating mystical insights and how to live in love by expounding on the infinite light of Kabbalah radiating through the Torah.

Just like on the dance floor, where the right song at the right moment can elevate our physical being, this book hits all the right beats for our spiritual being.

Four of the five books in the series, titled, The Genesis of Light, The Exodus of Darkness, The Sound of Illumination, and Transformation in the Desert of Darkness are available now at Amazon, and Barnes and Noble. The fifth and final book, Emanations of Illumination, will hit stores on July 11th, 2023.
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1. Samuel I 1:10
2. Samuel I 1:15
3. Pri Etz Chaim, Maamarei Admor HaEmtza’ee, Dvarim Vol. 2, p. 669
4. Talmud Keritut 6b
5. Rebbe Nachman’s Wisdom # 295
6. Duvid Ben Yehudah
7. Exodus 31:13
8. Shmot 3:14
9. Shmot 6:7
10. Ezekiel 18:32
11. Sh’mot 6:6
12. Talmud Sotah 47
13. Darash (Rabbi) Moshe (Feinstein)
14. Tur, Orach Chaim 5
15. The Living Torah on Exodus 3:15
16. Numbers 25:10,11
17. Rebbe Nachman’s Torah, p. 149
18. ibid v. 11
19. The Arizal, Apples from the Orchard, p. 791
20. Psalms 23:4
21. Likutey Moharan, 282
22. Psalms 34:18
23. Ibid 51:17
24. Ibid 147:3
25. Likutei Moharan 2:26